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PastPoop7/31/2003-Plastic Surgery Disasters.I've always wanted to ask Arnold Schwarzenegger if his penis is as long as his last name.I had this dream the other night that I was in a band. We were called Cervical Discharge and we played banjos, skinflutes, and kazoos. Our fans were mostly female, but they were mimes who all seemed to have b-cup size chests and they smelled like sauerkraut and beernuts, and our forums were PTA meeting rooms. Surprisingly, the acoustics were good. We did covers of Yugoslavian folk songs and old Roxette tunes. We totally ripped ass. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I stare at the mirror and tell myself that I am the star. I flex uncontrollably, and grunt like a baboon. It makes me feel better. I still think Bruce Willis has great smelling hands. When I tell people in Wisconsin I'm from Seattle, they ask me if I was in a gang. I always say yes. Then I flash my best '2 Legit 2 Quit' and break into the Electric Boogaloo. I really want to go to a taping of the 'Montel Williams Show' and hold up a sign that says: 'Gimme Back My Hubcaps.' One time when I was 14, I saw my dog scoot across the carpet. I was inspired and tried it myself. I succeeded in proving only that rugburn of the ass feels worse than rectal itch. I want to go to a Mormon picnic and pass out Jehovah's Witness' propaganda, then vice versa. The ensuing bloodbath would make my nipples hard. To help further subsidize my college tuition, I want the NAACP to give me a grant, under the 'Adopt A Cracka' clause. Sometimes I wonder what a toothless bj feels like. Two years ago I caught a bad case of the stomach flu. The liquid surprise I squirted came out so forcefully, it didn't hit the bowl. Instead, it roostertailed on the front of the toilet tank. I immediately called Barnyard with the results. Isn't it about time we started to recycle toilet paper? I want to ask Kathie Lee Gifford if she knew she was having a retarded baby, would she abort? http://www.kwoon.com. It will balance your chi and your pituitary will thank you. I had hoped someone would have nicknamed me 'Frankenchrist.' Maybe it's just me, but pissing in the dark on an electric fence isn't funny. Random musings from a diseased mind. I am the reason chlamydia stricken women should not bear children. Until next time, Ich bein...... -Insidious_T |
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